August 16, 2003

ABOUT CRYSTAL

Ten simple things about Crystal that have forever endeared her to my heart.

By Robear

1 -- She communicates well. She is a clear and articulate speaker. She is an eloquent and fluid writer with the ability to firmly defend her position while speaking from the heart.

2 -- She has strength of conviction. She knows exactly what she believes, and more significantly, she knows why she believes what she does.

3 -- She has charisma. She has an exhuberant and buoyant personality, which is socially contagious. Her smile is infectious, causing others who see it to smile as well.

4 -- She is matronly. I mean this in the sense that she naturally possesses a mothering and nurturing aura or nature about her. She metaphorically excells at being a mother hen, something with which she has naturally been blessed.

5 -- She is highly skilled and talented in all the ways that compliment her motherly nature. She sews, quilts, cleans, decorates, organizes, budgets, cajols a crying child, and most importantly, she is a wonderful cook!

6 -- She is adventuresome. She is willing to try new things, to continue to learn and grow, to push beyond the boundaries of that which she already knows, to explore the unknown, to chart the unnavigated. . . she has even gone so far as to accept a Frenchman.

7 -- She is patient. I saw it first in the way she dealt with and continues to deal with her siblings. I then saw it in the way she dealt with the difficulties, trials, and unplanned circumstances of everyday life. Finally, I have seen her exercise great patience toward me.

8 -- She is gorgeous. She is simply the most beautiful woman I have ever seen. In all my travels, I have yet to see another who can even begin to compare with her.

9 -- She has a quiet and humble spirit. She has a big and generous heart. These two things, coupled with the peace of the Lord, result in an unparalleled inner beauty that can be seen in her actions, through the warmth of her smile, and the light in her eyes.

10 -- The single greatest thing about Crystal is her faith. She actively seeks the Lord. In times of happiness and prosperity as well as in those of trial, pressure, and depression, she seeks the Lord in the scriptures and through prayer.

ABOUT ROBERT

Robert has told me from day one that he loves a challenge, which is a good thing because I KNOW it was every bit of a challenge for him to win my heart. But, as he never fails to remind me, "Where there's a will, there's a way." I'm here to tell you that he DID find a way. Here are 10 of the countless ways Robert found to my heart:

1 -- Robert is very loyal. He's proven that, no matter what, he is and always will be there for me. Whether it is taking time out of his busy schedule to send an e-mail, giving up sleep to call me from the other side of the globe, or driving 5 1/2 hours every other weekend so we can spend time together in person. I think the greatest test of his loyalty came when I was unsure of our relationship. Even in those times, Robert never abandoned me, but was there to be my friend.

2 -- He is selfless, always thinking of others' needs before his own.

3 -- He loves to serve and help other people. Not to copy his words, but he has a very big and generous heart. He is always reaching out to help anyone in need, never expecting anything in return.

4 -- He is very discerning and observant. Aside from my dad, Robert is the first and only man I've met who can spend a short amount of time with me and know the thoughts of my heart even when I myself am unsure of them.

5 -- He is very strong. I know that sounds a little shallow after talking about his character, but it's really not. Because of his strength, both physical AND spiritual, I have always felt safe with him. He is strong in his faith in God, never worrying about what others will think of him or his convictions. The first time I saw his picture, I thought of a teddy bear. As I got to know him, I discovered that he truly is every bit as gentle as a teddy bear, and underneath all that gentleness, Robert possesses the reassuring strength of a bear. I will never be without a protector.

6 -- He is content with who he is and what God has blessed him with. I have yet to hear him complain about anything. His faith is too strong and his love for God too deep to allow him to be discontent or disheartened in any circumstance, no matter how difficult. When my faith wavers, he is always one of the first to remind me that God is in control of our lives.

7 -- Robert is WONDERFUL with children! I told myself long ago that the guy who will put up with and actually ENJOY posing as a jungle gym for my little brothers and sisters is quite deserving of my respect : ) I have yet to meet a child who doesn't love to be around him, so I have no doubt that he will make a wonderful father someday.

8 -- Robert is my hero! He accepted the challenge and rescued Rapunzel from her tower ; ) But in all seriousness, Robert has given of himself, remained patient, and sought God while waiting for permission to win my heart. Even when it has been hard (and I KNOW it has been difficult at times), he never gave up.

9 -- He seeks God in every decision. I've seen this in his decision to commit to me even when he wasn't certain of how I would respond. And I see it in his daily life as he deals with the stresses of work, interacting with his family, and reaching out to his friends.

10 -- Last of all, but most importantly, Robert loves me just as Jesus Christ loves His bride, the church. How can I NOT return a love that is given to me, wholly and unconditionally, despite my imperfections? In Robert, I have a clearer picture of what Christ has done for me in loving me even before I returned that love. Robert took the risk of loving me and giving of himself, and that means more to me than anything else.

I could EASILY go on and tell all the countless other little things that have drawn me to him: his desire to walk with God, his selfless devotion to me, his gentleness, the honesty in his eyes, his smile, and--well, I COULD go on, but I can already see the mischievous twinkle in my mom's eye as she says, "Mush, mush, mush." So, I will spare you the embarrassment and end by saying to my Robear, "I love you, and I am forever yours." @~}~~

HOW WE MET

Well, there's no short way to tell the story... I guess I could say, "We met over the internet." But that leaves WAY too much for the imagination. Or I could say, "We've written over 2,000 letters to each other." But that gives the impression that we've known each other for a very long time. The truth is, both of those answers are correct, yet seriously lacking in details, so I will simply begin at the beginning...

Once upon a time, there was a princess who lived locked away in a tower, waiting for her prince to ride out of the forest on a beautiful white horse and rescue her...What? That's not the right story? Forgive me. Let me start over...

Once upon a time, there lived a girl who asked God to bring a wonderful man to her. While she waited, she spent a lot of time in her room, which she affectionately dubbed her "tower," jokingly calling herself Rapunzel. But in actuality, this girl enjoyed being "Rapunzel." She knew, deep down in her heart, that she had a great big God who cared about HER and would one day bring a man into her life who would love her for all time. She chose to wait in her tower for that special man to find her.

That girl was me, and the wonderful man who would find his way to my tower was Robert. But, whereas Rapunzel's prince braved a dense forest to find her, Robert braved the unknowns of an e-mail jungle to meet a girl he'd never seen. And while Rapunzel's prince scaled the heights of the tower by climbing her golden hair, Robert traversed the wild, open plains of Oklahoma in his steady steed, Truckas...

My mom undertook to sell some books online. Not really a big deal until she sold several books to a fascinating woman named Donna who just happened to live in Colorado, my mom's dream destination. Needless to say, the two struck up a conversation via e-mail. It was a conversation that hasn't ended even to this day, over a year later. My mom loved to talk about her children, mentioning me several times, and Donna loved to talk about her own children, including her "sort-of-adopted son" I guess you could call him, who lived in Texas. She painted a word picture of this guy until I was convinced that she was making him up! I mean, NO guy was as wonderful as she was making him out to be.

Well, two months later, my dad received an e-mail from this "unreal" guy. Robert politely and humbly asked for permission to strike up a dialogue with me, even including a letter of introduction from each of his parents. Needless to say, I was impressed. Note to every guy out there: if you want to make a good impression on a girl, talk to THE DAD first! I know that sounds horribly old-fashioned and stuffy, but Robert is proof that it won't kill you : )

After thinking and praying for what I thought was TOO long (actually, it was 2 1/2 days), my dad finally e-mailed Robert and gave his permission. I still laugh when I think back to those early days of our correspondence. Our very first e-mails were obviously written by novices. But we quickly recovered from our nervousness and discussed everything including crocheting, our faith, raising children, you name it!

In Febuary, Robert made the drive up to Missouri for the first time. He came again a month later, then again in April, this time with his parents in tow. He wanted their approval and blessing to pursue a relationship with this girl he'd discovered.

After bringing his parents, Robert voiced his intentions to my dad. He said quite plainly, "My intentions are to court and marry Crystal, in that order." My dad asked Robert to wait for his blessing before pursuing a deeper relationship with me. Robert agreed, and we continued e-mailing as friends who, admittedly, hoped to be more someday.

Between December 15, 2001 and the beginning of October 2002, we had reached a grand total of 1,846 e-mails between the two of us. My mom's favorite complaint was that her computer was SO slow because her hard drive was full of "Crystal and Robert's e-mails." But neither one of us cared. We were having too much fun just being friends and waiting to see what God would do in and through our friendship.

Then a bomb was dropped. I wouldn't even mention it except that it's impossible to explain the sandal if I don't explain the bomb first. As Robert says, "it's part of our past. We can't delete it." It is part of what has made us who we are and brought us to where we're at today.

My parents asked that we take a break and maintain total radio silence between us for an undetermined amount of time. They, my dad especially, saw that I was confused about where the relationship should go. They wanted me to have some undistracted time to draw close to God and seek His will and direction.

I know what you're thinking; "How unfair!" Not really. Robert and I were both hurt by it, but we were determined to have a good attitude about it. Hard as it was, we gave it to God, knowing that He, and ONLY He knew the end of the story.

For three weeks, my inbox sat empty. Well, empty in a sense. There was nothing coming from Robert, but I had met some new friends who kept me company and encouraged me through my rough days. I also spent alot of time thinking and praying. In the end, I made a tough decision and sent an even tougher letter to Robert. Basically, I told him I couldn't marry him. Of course, it did take me seven pages to tell him that...

Life went on for both of us. I grew; Robert grew. I tried my best to forget; Robert gave it to God and kept going, despite the fact that this hadn't turned out the way he'd planned.

In January, Robert drove up for a visit. All was going as well as could be expected between two people who had become best friends and then had to backtrack. OK, that's the nice way of saying that the whole situation was pretty awful. By Saturday evening, I was in tears and couldn't think of a single legitmate reason for having made my decision back in October. Then, it had seemed perfectly logical, but now something inside of me was screaming, "No! This isn't the way it's meant to be!" The next morning, Sunday, I awoke with the most awful ailment I've ever had.

My voice had totally disappeared.

Now, for some people, this is no big deal. But for others (OK, for people who are commonly called "gabby," "chatterbox," "loud," "outgoing," and any other word you can think of to describe someone who talks alot) it is the most frustrating thing in the world. Just for future reference, I rank in that second category. I was dying to talk to Robert, and now that option was gone. SOooooo, Robert got to do all the talking that afternoon : ) He talked; I whispered and nodded.

He left that evening, and I sat in my room, thinking this had been a really inopportune time for my voice to take a vacation! Robert had come and gone, and, for all I knew, it was the last time I would see him. But deep down, I didn't want it to be the last.

With my voice gone, I couldn't talk to my family or friends. When our computer crashed the following day, leaving me internet-less, I realized that I had NO ONE to talk to except for God Who knows the very thoughts and intents of our hearts. So, I returned to my "tower" and prayed, thought, prayed, journaled, prayed, soaked up as much of God's presence as I could, and prayed some more. In the end, God said, "Now is the time." After a week and a half, my voice returned, and with it came a peace I hadn't felt in a while. I knew the decision I wanted to make, and I made it the next evening when I told my dad that I wanted to marry Robert.

Then it was my turn to wait. I waited another week while my dad sought God's will. If I had thought 2 1/2 days back in December 2001 was a long time, a week was definitely an eternity! I knew there was a chance my dad wouldn't give his blessing. I also knew there was a chance that my dad would give his blessing, but that Robert wouldn't be interested in renewing anything with me. Finally, there was the horrifying chance that Robert, in his travels to France in the last few months, had found a French princess to replace me! In thinking back on it, that was a VERY unfounded fear, but when you're young and in love, even the most absurd things can seem very real and threatening. In that week, God taught me once again to put all my trust in Him and let Him take care of the details.

A week later on a Friday morning, my dad sent an e-mail, informing Robert of my decision and giving him his full permission and blessing to win my heart if he chose to do so. His closing sentence was a little odd, but it is also one that we will never forget: "I ask that no matter what decision you make, you be like Boaz and act quickly as soon as a decision has been made."

I stared at that last sentence after my dad had sent the e-mail. All I could think of was a shoe. For some reason, the words "Boaz" and "Shoe" just seemed to coincide. Of course, it didn't help that I'd read the book of Ruth in the Bible just a week before, and saw Robert's face and heard his voice every time I read Boaz's name!

But I pushed the thought out of my mind and continued my vigil of waiting. Donna called with a message from Robert: he would give us his answer on Monday. You would think that, after all the waiting God has asked me to do in the last couple of years, I would be accustomed to it. Not so. Those days between Friday and Monday morning were some of the most anxiety-ladden days I've lived. I had a pretty good idea of what Robert's answer would be, but there was still an underlying "what if." I knew I'd caused him pain back in October. What if he didn't want me after that? But then a peace would settle in my heart, and I knew that God was handling the details. He'd brought me to my decision, and I knew He would make all things beautiful in His time. So I waited. It had pretty much become my hobby by now : )

Monday morning finally arrived, bringing with it sunshine and a Federal Express delivery truck. The Fed-Ex guy handed my sister a box. I knew there was only one person who sent packages to us via Federal Express. I also knew that there was only one thing that could fit in this particular package. My heart was pounding, and my brain was screaming, "Robert sent his shoe! Robert sent his shoe!"

But the box was addressed to my dad, not to me. So once again, I waited...and waited...and waited. Finally, my dad called me into the bedroom. "Crystal, a young man just sent me a sandal."

Yes!

But my dad had a question to follow his statement. "What does that mean?"

In the book of Ruth, Boaz, a wealthy relative of Ruth's late husband, went to an even closer relative to discuss something. Either one of the men held the right to take Ruth as his wife along with her inheritance. In those days, when a deal was made, one man would take off his sandal and give it to the other man as proof that a contract had been made. I knew this was what had been going on in Robert's mind when he put his sandal in the mail. But my parents were stumped. You see, in the Bible, it never clearly says which man gave his shoe to the other. Was it the man who DIDN'T want Ruth? Or the man who DID?

I wanted to laugh out of sheer relief! My heart was singing, but my parents were honestly confused, so I held it in for a little longer while they thought through it.

The phone rang. Donna's happy voice said, "He means yes! Robert means yes!"

He had received my dad's e-mail while in California, hopped on a plane back to Texas, dropped his sandal in the mail, then hopped on yet another plane bound for France. But the distance meant absolutely nothing. In the next week, Robert called me three times from the other side of the world, then canceled a trip to Germany so he could make it back home in time to drive up for my birthday in February.

Just a year before, I was almost sick to my stomach with nervousness because I was going to meet, for the first time, a young man whom I'd just begun to correspond with. And now, a year later, I was meeting that same young man again, only this time as my future husband. There was no doubt in my mind that this was the man God had prepared for me, and together, we were embarking on the adventure of a lifetime!

WHEN WE GOT ENGAGED

February 23, 2003

HOW IT HAPPENED

Robert drives up to visit my family every other weekend (well, OK, he comes to visit ME, but my family is part of me : )). The previous weekend, he'd informed me that he was going to bring my engagement ring the next weekend. So I waited all week in anticipation.

When he didn't propose Friday evening, I thought he must be planning something for Saturday or he'd decided to wait until a weekend when I WASN'T expecting it. Saturday came and went with no proposal. But Robert and I were happily shopping for tuxes and wedding photographers, so I didn't think about it much.

Sunday morning dawned cold, with a hint of snow in the air. I didn't pay a whole lot of attention to that either. I just remember wondering why Robert was spending so much time shut up in his room. . . I interrupted him twice to get something from the room. Each time, he was lying on his stomach on the bed, busily taking notes from his Bible. Or so I thought. . . Finally, he emerged, and we headed to church.

I was still oblivious, never suspecting a thing. Except that, every so often, I wondered why Robert had secretly pulled my dad aside for a few minutes on Saturday.

Everything proceeded normally at church. My 11-person family filed into the Sunday school classroom, and filled up half of the large room. Jokes flew back and forth between Robert and Bob, the man who was teaching that week (I still need to ask Robert what was so funny. . .), and all the ladies carefully examined my hand, looking for a ring and wondering how on earth we could set a wedding date when Robert hadn't even proposed yet!

The lesson began, and I didn't pay any attention to the fact that I didn't have a ring on my finger. . . that is, until the lesson ended 15 minutes early. Just for the record, that was a BROKEN RECORD! We are usually lucky if we let out 15 minutes late! But maybe Bob just felt like getting done early that day. . .

Then Robert stood up, walked across the room, and took his place behind the small podium. Right away, my heart started pounding. What was he doing?! I turned to my mom, asking, "What's he doing?!" She just shook her head, "I don't know."

While I was sitting there in a shocked and nervous daze, Robert told his side of the story of how he'd met me, decided to marry me, and then waited for my dad's permission to win my heart.

My stomach was a tangled mess of butterfly wings, and my hands were shaking as Robert went on to answer three questions that everyone had been asking us for the last few weeks:

Question # 1--"How can you have a wedding date without a proposal and a ring?"

Robert explained that, with my dad's permission to win my heart, both of us had committed to marriage even though there had been no official proposal or engagement.

My lungs had decided to stop working by this point, and I thought I was going to fall out of my chair!

Robert got to question # 2--"How could you make such a quick decision to marry Crystal?"

He had a list ready: his "notes" that I'd seen him taking just a couple of hours earlier. I'm all for lists, but never have I heard a list quite like the one he pulled out and read to all 25 people in the room. By the time he made it to the tenth reason he was attracted to me, my mother was crying, one of the other ladies in the room was crying, and I couldn't decide whether to laugh or cry! All I knew was what HAD to be coming next. . .

Robert finished his list, looking around, and said, "and the last question you all want to know is WHEN AM I GOING TO PROPOSE." He grinned, smacked the podium, and said, "RIGHT NOW!"

He walked confidently across the room, knelt in front of me on one knee and held out his hand. It didn't matter how many pairs of eyes were watching us at that moment; the only people we noticed were each other. I gave him my hand, and heard the most precious words I've ever heard and ever will hear.

"Crystal, I've never said this to any other woman before. . . I love you. . . will you be my wife?"

Still shaking, but this time for joy, I said, "Yes."

"Close your eyes."

I closed my eyes and waited while Robert slipped a ring onto my finger.

Every person in the room was smiling and crying and wanted to give hugs and congratulations. I was still in a state of shock and kept looking at my ring, then back at Robert. It had really happened! He had chosen to propose in a way that, while uncomfortable for him, he knew would be the most meaningful to me. How right he was! I don't think either one of us will ever forget that day.